For three or four weeks I have neglected my evening reflective walk

For three or four weeks I have neglected my evening reflective walk, so I will take one now, PDA in hand, at 11 PM on a Sunday night. May God protect me from danger.

A dozen stars are visible - year-old light from stars in our galaxy. My mind cannot comprehend this, so I think no more of it and begin my walk.

A faint charcoal aroma is in the air. The night is chilly, so I draw my hood.

Do I know myself? My thoughts have been exclusively on my work and my books. What of my human journey - where am I and where am I going? I am in Victoria, British Columbia, the city of my youth. Where is life taking me? I alternate my numb hands in my pockets.

Who is Love, and where does Love reside? What is youth, and whither has it gone? It has not snowed, yet the pebbly sidewalk has a slippery coating; it sparkles as I walk past.

In California, the air is not so cold as here.

Pretending to be big when I am little, pretending to live as I have lived not, pretending to speak as I have not spoken. Pretending to be great when I am small; to be grand, when I am simple; to be holy, when I am profane. In my littleness and smallness I cry out: God, deliver me from my pretense.